Michelle Chapin was a force to behold as a child. She was the spirited youngest of four kids in a big, lively household that always had something going on—sometimes laughter, sometimes chaos.
Michelle made every interaction colourful and unique. But the idyllic side of childhood couldn’t last forever. Her mood darkened.
“That was when I noticed a difference in how I felt about myself,” she says. “I tried to use that feeling to strengthen my resolve, but it only worked to a certain degree”.
By the time she was fifteen, Michelle’s mental health was declining. After experiencing significant loss in her family, she sought out treatment and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
The weight of depression
Over the following years, she had constant ups and downs, trying many different medications to manage her symptoms. While some treatments seemed to work, their benefit was always temporary. Michelle found herself among the 50% of people with depression who don’t respond to conventional treatments.
“It was a lot of trial and error,” Michelle reflects. “I kept thinking ‘it shouldn’t be this difficult.’ I was under the impression that if I went on medication, then I was supposed to feel better.” Some days, she felt like herself. Other days, her depression took her lower than ever before. She felt stuck in an endless cycle of hope and disappointment—exhausted and disheartened.
Even in the depths of her mental illness, Michelle persevered and became a dedicated small business owner. She was determined to see her dream grow and succeed. She shared her mental and physical health journey with her social media following, hoping to inspire others who might be facing similar battles: “I think we built such a supportive and strong online community—we all have struggled in different ways, and we connected because of it. Talking about my hard times helped me feel seen and not so lonely,” she says. Michelle also remained open about the challenges of entrepreneurship, and how it impacted her mental illness.
Her darkest moment
Although her business was doing well, and she had built a strong community around her, Michelle still struggled. On Christmas Eve 2023, at just 29 years old, Michelle felt a harrowing depression unlike anything she had ever experienced. The depth of her illness and despair had become unbearable. She had endured dark times before, but this felt different. It was overwhelming. Suffocating. All-consuming. A way forward seemed unfathomable. Unable to cope, Michelle attempted suicide.
In the aftermath of Michelle’s action, her mother was desperate to help her daughter in any way she could. She wracked her brain for answers—digging through memories of everything she had read or heard about treatment options. She remembered coming across a research study at The Royal. It featured an innovative therapy called repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS), and it was only possible at The Royal through the donor-funded David and Susan Rose Neuromodulation Research Centre. This non-invasive treatment uses magnetic pulses to stimulate specific areas of the brain involved in mood regulation, offering a chance for relief to people whose depression has not improved with traditional treatments like medication or talk therapy.
Skepticism turned to belief
Michelle was skeptical at first. “Magnets? How could that possibly work?” she wondered. After years of trying different medications, adjusting dosages, and dealing with side effects, Michelle was wary of new treatments. But nothing else was working. So she gave rTMS a chance.
The sessions were simple and painless—much to Michelle’s relief. She admits that it was intimidating to participate in an unfamiliar, novel treatment, but her care team put her at ease. Within three weeks of starting rTMS, something remarkable happened—Michelle felt happy. She hadn’t felt happy in years.
It was more than a fleeting moment of relief, like medication sometimes offered. It felt deeper, more real. “I didn’t know happiness could feel like that,” she shared. She no longer woke up dreading the day, with a constant suffocating weight on her chest. “Did it completely fix me? No. I still have sad days, but I finally feel in control of my life.”
Life in full colour again
For the first time in years, Michelle could imagine a future for herself—one that wasn’t defined by depression. She has found joy in the little things again and was genuinely excited about life. Most importantly, Michelle was able to truly enjoy time with the people who meant the most to her. They had been her rock through her darkest moments, and now, thanks to her rTMS treatment and The Royal, she could finally be present for them in a way she couldn’t before.
Today, Michelle continues to speak openly about her mental illness. She shares her experiences with rTMS and The Royal on social media, hoping to spread awareness about this life-changing treatment. “There has been nothing more comforting to me than sharing my story,” she says. “Not enough people know about rTMS. I hope that by talking about it, more people will be able to access it.”
The Royal has been able to expand what is possible in the world of medication resistant depression because of donor generosity, but there is much more to be done. Currently, only 12% of mental illness research funding worldwide focuses on translating new discoveries into new treatments like rTMS. Without donor support, this innovative treatment might not have been available, and Michelle’s outcome could have been very different. Today, Michelle lives a life filled with joy and the little moments that matter most—with the people she loves.
